A way of talkin’ I’ve heard since I was ’bout knee high to a grasshopper

Some time ago, I wanted to hear country slang or expressions people could remember hearing or using. No reason why. I was just curious and wanted to hear words and sayings I hadn’t heard for a while. I grew up in a small country village in southeastern Illinois, had a cultural journalism project there (www.talespress.com) that published student and area resident interviews and information about the rural country life in years gone by.

            So I sent requests on Facebook and emails, asking for people to send expressions they had heard or used. I received more than 12 typed, double-spaced pages’ worth of responses from a number of people. I just read them again recently after I’d received a Christmas gift of a small booklet, “An Entertaining Guide to Country Talk; Listening to Rural Midwestern Idioms/Folk Sayings” by Bob Bohlken. There were lots of the same or similar expressions, even though his dedication page shows the area to be near where the borders of Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa and Missouri come together. Still the greater Midwest.

I was familiar with many of the sayings in his book and from the responses I received; I do still hear some of them today. But it was especially interesting to read how some people referred to others in words you wouldn’t find in a personnel profile: “I trust him as far as I can throw him”; “dumb as a box of rocks”; “worthless as a bump on a log” (or a pickle); “I’d like to buy her for what she’s worth and sell her for what she thinks she’s worth”; “more stubborn than a little boar pig”; “they don’t have enough sense to pound sound in a rat hole”; “he ain’t worth a hill of beans”; “he’s so stubborn he’d argue with a sign post”; and “he’s a few bricks short.”

And there were others that some of the words or phrases might be totally unacceptable to say in polite society or print in a newspaper. But they were full of humor, intended or not: One old New England saying from Maine was about someone asking for directions: “Two looks down the road … (or three) … look as far as you can see, drive there, look as far as you can see again, and drive there, and you will be there. …”

You gotta smile at that one.

Meanings of expressions are not always agreed upon, I learned, too. An example is: “The good lord willing and the cricks don’t rise.” That’s the way I heard it pronounced, but some proper-speaking folks pronounced it “creeks.” In my neck of the woods, it meant the North Fork of the Embarrass River — what we called the crick. But it’s reported that Col. Benjamin Hawkins of North Carolina, a Continental congressman and “Indian agent” (1796-1816) appointed by President George Washington, was once asked to return to Washington and replied he would with the caveat, “God willing and the Creeks don’t rise” — “Creeks” referring to the Indian tribe. A new one for me.

Another group of responses were comments for someone who is difficult to believe: “Take what he says with a grain of salt”; “never let the facts get in the way of a good story”; “he’s a legend in his own mind”; “he spent most of his life getting out of trouble”; “he’s as crooked as a dog’s hind leg”; “he lies like a rug”; “he can’t pour yellow liquid from a boot with the direction written on the heel”; “their lights are on but nobody’s home”; “neither a starter nor a spreader of rumor be!”; and “no one stands taller by putting down another.”

Here’s a particularly entertaining batch: “If I had a feather, we’d both be tickled”; “if wishes were horses, beggars could ride”; “he looks rode hard and put away wet”; “you don’t know your hind end from a hole in the ground”; “he’s got a screw loose”; “he’s madder ’n an ole wet hen”; “he’s so far behind he thinks he’s first”; “he’s slicker ’n a whistle”; “my mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with the facts”; and “he’s a chip off the ol’ block.”

As I said, I had 12 pages of responses and couldn’t use them all, so I cherry-picked some of the more colorful ones. One respondent added, “Reading these is so much fun.” I agree.

So goodnight, Irene; sleep tight, and don’t let the bed bugs bite — and may you make hay while the sun shines.